Stop...Listen...&Learn

Ever stop and listen to the birds.. Or if your like me your alarm clock is the coffee pot finishing brewing in the morning. How about the sweetest sound in the whole world, the sound of your child calling out to you. What would you do if slowly you were unable to hear those sounds? That is what life is like for my four year old daughter, Aislynn.

You know how moms always joke that their child has selective hearing. Well my child is not ignoring me when I call out to her. The fact is that she really can't hear me. The hard part is that 6 months ago she could. For some unknown reason to three different doctors my child has gone legally deaf. Her world is not completely silent but the possibility of it getting there is high. I feel like a failure as her mom. I am supposed to protect her.

Here is our story from the beginning.

In May we did the preschool testing that some school district have. Everything looked great until we came to the hearing. They looked at me and said did you know that you daughter left ear hearing is only at 60% and her right is at 80%. I was shocked and dumfounded. I asked what could be causing this, they said that it could be a number of things. Their best bet was to follow up with her normal doctor. I did just that.. He saw no infection and said that our best bet was to be to go to a Audiologist.

We saw the Audiologist.. Lets just say that he was an complete ass hat! He had no experience with children I don't think. To make matter worse had tons of toys in his room but yelled and snapped at my daughter for touching them. I am telling you from the time that I parked my car at his office til I was back in my car was 7 minuets. It took three months to get into see another Audiologist, when we did her hearing was worse. 45% in the left and 70% in the left.

It is now August and we were just tested again and we are down to 22% in the left and 43% in the right. It is extremely hard. She gets louder and louder because she wants to hear herself. We can't holler for her while at the park because she plum just doesn't hear us..

My biggest fear is that by the time she is five that she won't be able to hear me whisper I love you. It makes me fucking mad! I think why me, selfish I know. I also think why her? I love my daughter dearly but having a child who is deaf is hard work. She gets angry more often. I debate on cutting her hair because if we do it to short are we still going to be able to hide her hearing aids. I am not ashamed of them I just don't want that to be the first thing that other people see. The one thing that the kids hold against her. I feel like there is more I should be doing, or have done. I hate myself for being mad, for thinking that it is hard.

We are having tubes put in to see if that makes a difference. I hope and pray that it does. I don't want her is be perfect but I want her to be able to hear the rain on the roof, the sound newborn kittens make. Her future spouse say “Will you marry me?”. This is the hugest challenge that has ever been placed in front of me but I get up every morning smile and work though it. What else could you do? Life is meant to be hard and work because with out that we would take it all for granted. So do me a favor, don't yell at your kids, kiss them and tell them you love them however you might have to do that.

~Hannah

About Hannah:

Hello I am Hannah, 26. I am a wife and stay at home mother as well as a rape and domestic abuse survivor. I have been married to the love of my life for 6 years and we have 3 amazing kids, our 7 year old son, and our two daughters ages 4 and 2.. My 4 year old daughter is legally deaf. I also have two fur babies a bouncing boxer and a snobby cat. I call Tillamook Oregon home. I am in school but for God only knows what. I strive everyday to be the best that I can be.